A party for my two littlest loves!

We had a wonderful birthday party for Lucy and Hazel today. What fun to celebrate our girls with a house full of people who love them both!

This was supposed to be the year Lu had a Candyland party, but I couldn't resist doing Milk & Cookies while Hazel is a babe.  We'll do Candyland next year! I'm totally crazy about how the pink & gold turned out! The garland, painted vases, painted candle holders, and mini cake stands were all Pinterest inspired projects that were really easy and I thought turned out really well. Starbucks bottles were perfect for the milk.  I made the posters for the girls on the computer and then had them printed at Costco.  The print on the table is from Etsy.

Hazel's monthly pictures (and paint chips - whoops!)

 My sister made monogrammed cookies - adorable!

I found the cutest "made with love" cookie stamp.  It didn't show up too well, but still fun.

Sundae cups and stamped wooden spoons.  The spoons were adorable, but I didn't like eating with them!

I love "bars" for parties.  We didn't do cake for the party since we had so many cookies, but I did an ice cream sundae bar.

 Oh... this girl!

 They are too cute in their crowns!

Hello.

So.  6 1/2 months since my last post huh?  I guess blogging is pretty far down my priority list these days!  Life is beautifully, crazy busy (and fun) these days.

Hazel Rae Snider was born April 15 after watching HOURS of footage about the Boston Marathon bombing and finally asking for the TV to be turned to ANYTHING else!  Labor/birth followed exactly as it did with her big sisters and she was born just before dinner weighing a healthy 8 pounds.

She honestly is pure joy.  People are constantly asking me, "is she always smiling?" "is she always this happy?"  The answer is, usually, YES!  She's such a happy girl.  She laughs at everything and anything we do.  I thought Stella would be the most crazy about her, but Lucy and Hazel have such a special little relationship brewing.  Lucy cracks her up more than anybody and the both are constantly looking for the other and light up at the sight of one another.

Who knows how often I'll blog.  Once in a while I think of something to write about but there just never seems to be the time.  Instagram has utterly taken over as my main means of documenting our little life!

Here are way too many pictures...  Maybe I'll get some updated ones before her first birthday!

Nervous, anxious, excited...

I know a lot of people are strongly against being induced. Since it's all I know, it really isn't an issue for me. I have to admit, for a planner/list maker/control freak like me it's actually pretty nice! We have plans in place for the girls & dog. Bags get packed, house gets a good cleaning, all of the laundry is done. (Not to mention how much easier it makes the transition at school!)

That being said, it's also a bit of an odd feeling to go through your day knowing its the last time for all of your normal things. Our last time going to breakfast as a family of four. Our last "relaxing" evening for the foreseeable future. Our last morning to wake up slowly with Stella in our bed and get those precious morning snuggles in. We've spent the weekend trying our best to balance spending some good special family time together with getting ready and it's been so nice.

I know I worried about the same things with Lucy but with 2 littles here now and Lucy being younger, those fears are magnified this time. Add to that the fact that Jim's only taking a week off this time and I'm a little worried. I know we'll find our new normal, I'm just praying it comes relatively quickly!

Despite all of my concerns, we're all ready (well, the littlest may not be). Stella is about to burst and I'm trying to soak up the last few hours of pregnancy and seeing the girls around the belly. One thing's for sure, this house is never going to be the same!!!

Stella was loving on the baby and talking to her to make her squirm - one of the things I'll miss!

Sharing space

I think it was the first day we found out about our little surprise when Jim frantically said, "we'll have to move to a house with 4 bedrooms!"  I immediately shot down that idea (there were enough things we were going to have to do/change/get, and a house would have totally thrown me over the edge).  He's the youngest of 6, but the age difference is pretty significant and his two siblings immediately before him were both girls so he never shared a room.  I only shared a room a few days a month when I went to my Dad's house, but it was enough to see what it could be like.  I described to him my sister and I lie in beds next to each other making up little stories until we fell asleep.  There's something about a shared room that gets me all emotional.  In fact, this morning I showed this Pinterest pin to Jim:

(Notice what I wrote and when I pinned it... this was 9 months ago (AKA right before the bomb was dropped.  CRAZY huh?!?!?) Parts of this room have now become the inspiration for the "big girls room".)





Between this and the fortune from my cookie do you think maybe the universe was trying to give me a heads up?

Anyway...  all of that to say that I don't subscribe to the thought that every child in a family needs their own bedroom.  The girls won't be allowed to have TVs or anything in their rooms (Ok, maybe WAY down the line).  I think it's so important for our family to share space.  I don't want/need seperate bedrooms, a playroom, craftroom, office, etc.  People want such big houses now and I think it just gives family members room to spread out and spend more time apart.  Houses are marketed for all of the rooms that they have.  Personally, I'd rather fewer large rooms for us to all gather together.  While our house isn't really what I'd call "small", it's not big by any stretch.  It's a normal size with 3 nice big bedrooms (again, I by far prefer this to the choppy smaller rooms that they seem to be putting in developments today.)

I found these two quotes on Etsy and I love both of them.  I think that families should find more ways to spend time togther.  We don't all have to be doing the same thing, but I don't like it when we're spread out.  My favorite thing is when we're all in one room: girls playing/reading, me knitting, and Jim usually doing school work.

I've been spending some of my baby-prep time trying to get Lucy's room ready to be a shared room.  I still have a ways to go (look at how small that picture collage looks now - I already have things to add.).  The best part of all of this?  Both girls have adjusted SO WELL!  Stella is spending far more nights in her own bed rather than crawling in with us.  The other night she said she and Lucy had both woken up so she pretended to be sleeping and then really did go back to sleep!  Each night as I carry Lucy in to bed she asks for Stella.  I tell her Stella will be up soon.  Often, when I bring Stella in Lucy is still awake.  Sometimes she sits up and says, "sissy" but lays right back down when I lay Stella down.  The other night as I went in with Stella I could hear Lu sucking on her pacifier and then say, "sissy" over and over.  It utterly melted me!  I just love seeing those two beds side by side and can only imagine all that will take place as they grow up and Lucy can have conversations with Stella.  Priceless!

In baby news, we're all getting so very ready to meet this girl!  I still have far too much to do to be ready for her to be born, but we're dying to see her and love on her!

Too much

This post is really just for me to look back on later and reflect. I haven't posted in ages. There just seems to be far too much going on and I'm feeling... unsettled.

I'm not "stressed", that's too strong of a word. I haven't been sleeping very well though because my mind just goes crazy with all of the THINGS going on or to do. Fabrics/pillows/window bench cushion/artwork/blankets/knitting patterns/closets...

I can't seem to get ahead at school and we still don't have a sub lined up. It's getting frustrating because I've been trying to get it figured out since October and we're quickly running out of time.

There are far more things on my list of things to knit than time. To some, this seems like a dumb thing to even think about, but to me it's not.

The bedrooms are a MESS and no place near done. I know a baby doesn't need a finished room. It's not about her. It's about me wanting hints to be done and settled before bringing her home. I want to feel calm. Settled. Ready. It's about me.

I keep forgetting things we need for a baby. Stella reminded me we need a new tub. I'd totally forgotten about swaddlers until yesterday... Who knows what else! Thank goodness for Amazon Prime and it's 2 day shipping!

Add to that the fact that we've had to get two "new" vehicles in a month and a half, furnish a room... Things just haven't been calm for a while and I'm in need of calm right now. I know this will all pass, we'll be ready for her, etc. just documenting these feelings as they're happening.

On a lighter note, here's a pic of our rapidly growing girl who the Dr thinks will be even bigger than Lucy! I'll be 34 weeks in just two days!

A downhill slope

Baby girl was 29 weeks on Sunday and I figured I'd better post before things change!  People have been asking me how I feel and I keep saying, "great, this has got to be the best time of pregnancy!"

So far:  I'm not tired, I haven't broken out maternity pants, the numb spot at the top of my belly hasn't made an appearance yet, her kicks aren't uncomfortable, I feel great...

BUT.  I can feel it coming.  That bend in the pregnancy road that lets you know you're nearing the finish line.  I'm starting to feel my breathe getting a bit shorter, it's getting harder to carry a 5 year old upstairs to bed each night, and it's harder to find a comfortable position on the couch. 

I'm not complaining.  I won't ever complain.  (ok, maybe once or twice to a husband who needs a little reminding of what I'm working with)  I feel so blessed to have the chance to go down this road once more when there was a time I feared I'd never get to experience any of it.  For the sake of that heartbroken version of myself and for all of the women who still long for this, I refuse to complain about any of it!

I'm getting anxious though.  Getting her room ready for her is on my mind a LOT, I want to knit for her constantly, and I'm SO looking forward to the feel of that fuzzy bit of hair tickling my nose as I breathe her in.  I can't believe I'm being trusted to be a Mama to another beautiful girl, how very lucky I feel!

We're getting closer, and I cannot wait to complete this family of ours!

25 Weeks

I don't have a 25 week pic, but here are two from 24 weeks.  I swear it's grown a TON since these were taken!

I'm so far behind in blogging!  I finally uploaded some pictures last night so I just need to organize some posts and get them up!

I wrote a post on my first blog when I was 25 weeks pregnant with Lucy about some of my fears.  I hadn't thought about it in ages, but just in the last week or so I've started WORRYING.  It's funny how it's hit at exactly the same time it did last time.

This time, I'm worried about Lucy mostly.  There have been several people (2 of which are from 3 girl families) who've said that the first and third are really close but that the middle daughter is the "odd girl out".  I want all 3 of my girls to be close.  I'm not naive, I know that there will be bumps and that there will be times when any given 2 may be closer, but I hope that WHICH two it is is more of a fluid thing and that there isn't EVER one of them who feels like she doesn't fit in.

I'm so totally over any disappointment about not having a boy (even though I do still feel badly for Jim), and I'm SO VERY EXCITED to have another girl to watch movies with, bake with, craft, paint nails etc.  I never dreamt our lives would turn out like this and I feel so incredibly blessed.  I just so badly want them to have a strong relationship/bond/love for each other!

I still have moments of shock, and there are still times I feel like I'm too old and/or I'm going to be SO very overwhelmed with 3 littles, but I must admit that the feelings of excitement at meeting her are beginning.  I'm not a person who usually goes ga-ga over babies in general, but my own...?  Oh, I can't wait to smell her, snuggle her, feel the weight of her sleeping body on my chest...  Heavenly!  Most of all, I am so excited to watch Stella be a big sister again and this time she'll be able to do even more.  We certainly have struck it rich!

23 weeks

We had a great weekend planned (and did have fun), but the entire weekend it just felt like there was a layer of sadness hovering over us.  We didn't watch any news.  I watched President Obama's speech last night until he got to the names and pictures.  I couldn't go there.  Stella was in the kitchen with me and already could see I was upset so I changed the channel and the subject.  I'm not sure how many times I cried, and I know that we spent a whole lot of extra time just loving on and watching our girls feeling so blessed that they were with us.

Hopefully I'll post pictures of the Polar Express train ride soon... though the holidays might sweep over nad mean silence here for a while...

Here's my 23 week pic:  my goal is to buy every shirt/sweater/dress I can find that covers my booty so I can wear leggings as often as possible!

Stella snuck in with her matching belly.  :)

22 weeks

Nothing worth updating. I feel good, she's moving and shaking, and thankfully I can still do everything I want/need to.

We're soaking up the holidays with movies, fires, lights, advent activities, and Bob & Betty. Betty left the girls a note this morning telling them she has to go back to help Santa for the rest of the year. Poor Stella cried because she'll miss her. That girl has the most sensitive heart! I adore that about her but it also worries me as I'm afraid there will be a lot of heartache for her. I feel so lucky to know her!

21 weeks

I haven't posted for a bit not because we're still pouting, it's just that busy time of year with lots of being grateful for ours we blessings and trying to milk every ounce of fun/love/celebration/tradition out of the holidays. We've enjoyed a lot of Christmas movie nights by the fire, Christmas books (which I didn't wrap this year... sometimes we'll read several a day and sometimes none. The wrapping turned out to be a waste of time and paper for us), and Advent activities. Even Jim calls me at school to ask what how we're going to "Christmas it up" each night.

We're pretty much over the ultrasound shock. It's still strange for me hear Jim say her/she and I'm still using "it", but I'm over it. He still has his moments, and frankly I'm sure always will, but is happy. On Thanksgiving morning he said, "I'm still a little sad that I won't have anyone to watch football with me on Thanksgiving while you girls are in the kitchen." I feel for him. I'd be sad if I were alone in the kitchen with a gaggle of boys all watching football! On Saturday a woman we don't know asked about the baby. When we told her it was another girl, she said, "another girl? It takes a special man to have 3 girls!" Special indeed. I couldn't have picked a better man to raise these girls.

When our neighbor found out its another girl she told me that she's the fourth generation of 3 girls and that we'll be we'll taken care of because girls take good care of their parents (true) and I was reminded of something I wrote when we found out Lu was a girl. I think girls tend to stay closer to their families. For that I'm immensely grateful!

Anyway, we're 21 weeks and 3 days today and not much to update pregnancy wise. Still down a couple of pounds, still in regular pants, still feel normal for the most part. In fact, when I went back & read my 20 update from Lucy it's virtually identical. (I'd be ok if she ended up a bit smaller though!)

The moment my heart broke

I'm going to be completely and brutally honest here.  Ugly honest. Without pictures to try to lighten the mood.

I've never had a "gut" feeling as to what any of our kids were going to be.  When we found out we were pregnant this time, and under the circumstances, I thought logically that it MUST be a boy.  I thought that we must have gotten pregnant against all of the odds because we were meant to have a son.  Jim was meant to have a son.  I kept going on and on to him about why it must be a boy even when I knew he was mentally/emotionally trying to prepare himself for a third girl.  I should never have done that.

The tech yesterday offered to try to find out if baby was a boy or a girl right at the beginning of our appointment which at the time I thought was great.  Baby was super cooperative, and as soon as he got the shot Jim and I both knew.  There was nothing there.  It wasn't a boy.  I instantly said, "I'm sorry" to Jim and started crying.  The room was silent (poor tech) and several more times throughout the appointment I just mouthed "I'm sorry" to him.  I'm sure the tech thought I was an awful person.  I felt like an awful person.  I was so sure that the reason we'd been given this "oops" pregnancy was because we were supposed to have a boy in our family.  I thought, "If the point of this pregnancy isn't to have a boy, what's the point?  What's the point of us having ANOTHER girl?"  I actually thought that.  Those exact thoughts.  "What's the point of this baby?"  Can you imagine the guilt I have over that thought?

We were both pretty quiet walking back to the car and Jim did all of the talking while I cried on the way to the store to get the balloons.  Balloons I'd been so very excited to get home and give to the girls.  Balloons that I now wanted nothing to do with.  Jim was crushed, my heart was breaking for him, and we both felt enormous guilt for this yet-to-be-born baby girl.

We picked the girls up, which brightened both of our moods a little and headed home to have them open the box.  Stella saw the pink balloon and said, "it's a girl?"  I think even she was in shock.  She and Lu played with the balloons for a while and we all just hung out in Lucy's room.  Being with those two girls was the best thing for Jim and I at that moment.

Later last night Stella said, "Why does God always do something different?  If I were God, I'd have picked a boy.  I'd have thought 'too.many.GIRLS!'"  (said with the cutest little Miss Thing hand gesture).

It was pretty quiet at our house the rest of the night.  Finally, emotionally drained we went to bed.  I thought the worst was over.  Stella woke in the middle of the night crying... she was just SAD.

This morning I was still feeling low.  I got into the shower just thinking I was tired and I LOST it.  I was just sobbing and thinking, "I'm SO sorry, Jim.  I'm SO sorry, Stella.  I'm SO sorry, God.  I'm SO sorry baby girl." over and over.  When Jim came into the bathroom we talked a little more.  Because of his childhood he feels like maybe he'd have been too tough on a son.  He thinks that it's his fault we don't get to have a son.  That he's not deserving.  I hate watching him like that.  As he walked out of the bathroom he said, "I trust that God gave us what we need.  I just wish God trusted me a little more."  Seriously?!?!  Let the water-works start all over again.

I think we've gotten a lot of it out of our systems.  I think we're approaching a place of acceptance.  I KNOW without any doubt that our life will be beyond wonderful and that we are so blessed.  I know without a doubt that this girl will know how very WANTED she is.  I have no doubts about any of that.  I also know that there will probably always be times that Jim wished he could have known what it would be like to have a son.  I'm so sorry that we weren't able to experience that, but so very grateful that (especially the way things were looking a few years ago) we are where we are with the growing family that we have.

This post wasn't fun to write and I'm sure it's not particularly uplifting to read, but it's real and it feels good to vomit it all out.

It's a...

19 weeks

I'm ready to see some more pictures of the sweet babe and get a bit more reassurance that everything is going well (I never really relax until they're in our arms... who am I kidding???  I never stop worrying!) But you know what I mean.  I can't quite let my guard down until I'm holding them,  have seen their face, counted all of the little fingers and toes, and heard their cries. 

I'm a bundle of nerves today - wish us luck!



Patience

People sometimes tell me they don't know how I have the patience to be a teacher.  Honestly, I'm not at ALL a patient person!  Other than everyone being healthy, it may be the one things I pray for most - being a more patient mama.

Being pregnant is rough for impatient people and about now I'm dying to know if this wee one is a he or a she!  I want to knit for it, shop for it, plan bedrooms, etc.

I have mixed emotions about it...  on one hand, I'd LOVE for all of us to get to experience having a boy (Stella is DYING for a brother) and I would love nothing more than to see Jim with a son.

On the other hand, I have pretty much zero experience with little boys.  I don't even think I've ever changed a boy's diaper!  I really have no desire to play with legos and GI Joe men (just as Jim doesn't want to play with dolls and barbies).  The room situation would also be so much easier if this baby is a girl.  But... I think what makes me want a girl the most is that we have a girl name that we are both over the moon CRAZY for!  It's totally unlike us have names that we like at this point (we still won't share until s/he's born), but I'll honestly be bummed not to get to use the name.  Isn't that ridiculous?!?!?!

Everything points to a boy so I'm trying to prepare myself to not get to use it and Jim's preparing himself for more estrogen in the house.  I'll be so very glad when we know and can do some planning!

Happy Friday!

Prep work!

The girls are going to be away tomorrow night so in addition to some much appreciated alone time with Jim (sadly, we're spending some of our time car shopping - BLECH!!!!), I'm planning to do some Advent Calendar/Christmas prep!

I made a list of ideas for Bob, our elf, and a list of advent activities.  Some will probably be left out as I do want to get the girls a couple of small presents, but the activities went over really well this year so I'd like to continue with them.  In case you're in need (and haven't gotten a ton of ideas from Pinterest already), here are ours:  I printed out a holiday pattern on one side and then put the paper back through to print on the other side so when I hang them from the girls' calendars they'll see a design.  Pretty scrapbook paper would work well too, I just didn't happen to have any.

18 weeks

At 18 weeks I feel like there isn't really a lot to report.  I feel so much like my "normal" self that I find myself forgetting about even being pregnant!  The little flutters are getting more frequent to remind me though.  :)

Holiday Countdowns

It's no secret by now that I love me some countdowns!  And... seeing as Stella is a little version of me in so many ways, it's no surprise that she loves them too.  I always find that they make it easier for her to judge time.  Last night she asked me if I'd make her a countdown to Bob again this year (our Elf on the Shelf).  She loves to mark a big "X" through each box at the end of the day!  Since she doesn't have a great grasp of days and has no concept really of DATES, I use pictures for each day to help her indentify them.  Here's ours for this year:

She also asked if we could do Santa's beard countdown again this year.  Last year I made one but this year I found one already done online and just printed it out.  I like that it has numbered spots for the cottonballs!

 I think that the more little things we do the easier the wait is!

Other than an advent calender (which we do up big), does your family have anything you do to help the little ones with the wait?  I'm always looking for new ideas to try out!

Happy LOOONG weekend, I'm off for some fun with one of my favorite people!